I'm not one to gloat unless the humiliation of the Dallas Cowboys is involved but, being a fan of a Superbowl Champion has opened me up to new experiences. After being intially taken aback by all the Saints-hate, I quickly started to enjoy it. The futile tears of the jealous only served to remind me that after years of being a fan, buying Saints gear, season tickets, etc., my team finally paid me back by winning it all and the bitter biotches of the world only wanted a taste of all the sweet I was getting. So there. Keep hating, it makes me happy.
Anyway, I'm not supposed to be gloating about last year's triumph. Superbowl XLV is just weeks away. A new champion may be crowned. And therein lies my first gloat...The Saints, who were immediately dismissed as soon as they won, are back on the championship trail. Will they make it all the way back? They could and that's all that matters to me right now. Football prognosticators refused to even consider the Saints might repeat. They dismissed them out of hand. "It's too difficult." "Nobody's done it in 10 years." Blah blah fishcakes. Yet, even though they haven't won the way other people have decided they need to win, win they have. They haven't sunk to the bottom of their division. They've had embarrassing losses, yes, but which teams haven't? So much for the Madden Curse which was supposed to take Drew Brees out on the first play of the season whether or not he was on the field. If Jared Allen didn't break his leg on the first series, then a freak accident with the mascot was going to maim him before he could take a snap. However, it seems that Monsieur Madden was no match for Drew's Holy Mole and could only manage to manifest itself as an uncharacteristically high interception ratio.
Now, for all those teams that the ever-knowledgeable prognisticators predicted would get to the Superbowl besides the Saints...get ready...my finger is out. It's pointing. My body is shaking with laughter.
Cowboys. I already hated them. My hate of them is so severe that I've blacked out several years of the 90's which means that for me, the Cowboys have never won a championship in my lifetime. Try it. It works, I swear. Anyway, the kind of season they had in 2010 entertained me so greatly that I considered liking them just because it seemed they were playing the role of the desperate kid who would do anything to be my best friend. Thanks Cowboys for sucking so mightily all season and having yourselves eliminated from the postseason by midseason. I'm quite sure that you'll be favorites to win Superbowl XLVI since your team is so "talented" and you'll play harder for Jason Garrett than you ever did for StayPuft, but until then, you're done and without even getting to a one. So much for being the first team to play in the Superbowl in their home stadium.
Chargers. I don't hate them. After all, they did me the biggest favor ever by insulting Drew with backup money and releasing him to the FA market and therefore to the Saints. But, I'm sick and damned tired of them being the offseason favorites to go to the Superbowl every year along with the Cowboys. So it made me giddy when they kept failing and finally lost all hope. Note to the Chargers: starting lazy clearly does not work for you. The regular season isn't just for statistics, the wins actually count and are used to get you into the postseason. But don't worry, I'm sure you're already the favorites to face the Cowboys in Superbowl XLVI...your usual consolation prize.
Vikings. OH MY GOD!!!! OH. MY. GAWD!!!! Note: I never hated the Vikings. Never. Why bother? I was a little sore that every time the Saints made it into the playoffs and ended up playing the Vikings they lost and the Vikings went on to...fail. I never hated Brett Favre. Never. He was one of my favorite players and if circumstances were different, I'd actually be sad about how this season has gone for him with all the injuries and futility. But thanks to the whining and vitriol spewed after the NFC Championship Game I can enjoy the farce that was the Vikings season. There was so much stupidity, jealousy, idiocy from Vikings fans that I almost forgot my Cowboys hate. Almost. The Vikings collapse this season has me wondering which finger I should be pointing. I think I'll alternate, throw in a head wag and a mooning, too. I kind of wish my butt was big and white to enhance the effect. Oh well, some wishes just aren't meant to be. The only thing that I didn't enjoy about the Vikings' season was the firing of Brad Childress. He could've stuck around for more futility. It's a terrible shame that Leslie Frazier is the new head coach. He might actually manage to turn the team around. Until then, I'll enjoy the fact that the Superbowl favorites "if Favre returns" will be watching the playoffs with their hands down their pants like the rest of us.
Jets. How is it that Jets got more press this season than the Saints? Oh, that's right, with holdouts, harassing minority reporters, tripping opponents, indulging in funky fetishes and giving the league several reasons throughout the course of the season to clarify its conduct policies. All of this was punctuated by major meltdown losses in big games which delighted everyone who wasn't a Jets fan and just wanted them to STFU and play ball.
So ends my list. I've had my fun. My pointing finger is sore and my ribs hurt from all the laughter. Sincere congratulations to the teams who made it to the playoffs without all the bluster and posturing. Special kudos to the Colts who fought through the "Superbowl Hangover." I'm not a fan anymore, but there's a special place in my heart for teams that prove the prognosticators wrong and persevere through the platitudes and truisms. Double special kudos to the Patriots who were supposedly on their way down, especially after trading Randy Moss for the Seven Dwarves. It makes me smile to think that 14-2 and the AFC first seed has been achieved by a team on the decline. Congratulations to Aaron Rodgers who got the Favre monkey off his back and to the Bears for surprising everyone. Atlanta Falcons, I hate you and I can't understand why all of General Sherman's good work was undone but since the NFC South is overlooked, I'll demonstrate my Dirty South solidarity by simply saying: see you at your place in a few.